Chapter 1
SMELL OF KEROSENE
kredaz@mclink.it .

He was there, in front of me, with the air of someone who wanted to interrogate me. A meter of height, two big black eyes that squirted astuteness.
One chilly morning close to the end of the winter, the sky was blue, marvelous, few people walked in the park. Sitting on the bench with, my head lowered, I held tightly the red Basque in my hands. I was still wearing the jumping suite and the insignias of the airborne battalion.

The boy took a deep breath to gain courage and with an insecure voice he asked me: "Why are you crying? A true soldier never cries!" Without waiting for my answer, he turned around and ran away.

The hill of the park overlooked the beautiful countryside; the sun was bright and warm, announcing the arrival of spring.

The propellers of the helicopter push the air violently over the grass in the countryside of Siena, the smell of kerosene is strong and pleasant; sitting with my parachute, I wait for my turn to embark on the helicopter CH47 Chinook. It's my fourth jump, the first with the Brigade. I am an officer of the Italian Army, the Folgore Brigade: I must be a tough man!

I'm here to prove to myself that I can overcome fear. I must prove that I can face death, but my heart is like a piece of butter out in the sun, slowly melting away.

Today could well be my last day on this planet, my precious last moments, yet I don't notice any difference with the previous days. Today could be my turn to die. What sooner or later everyone has to face, could happen today. What a funeral I could have! Very important! All the soldiers in line, a solemn speech from the General of the Brigade, a lot of emotion! Everyone would say nice things about me after I'm dead; they would say that I was a good guy, very honest. You know, when you die, people turn you into a saint!

Twenty years seem like a day. What will happen to all my anxiety, to my exhibitionism, to the disappointment of not conquering that girl , or earning a lot of money? What will be of the plans for my future? What will be of all those things that I desperately wanted and made me so miserable? I realize that I'm not in a hurry to leave this world, no matter how many days I have lived so far: today is too soon!

Life is strange! You appreciate it only when you know how easy it is to lose it!When you have a few minutes left to the end, all your anxieties become very small. I realize that the world would be a better place if everyone lived in the awareness of the precariousness of their existence.

But there is no more time to explain my thoughts . The big helicopter with two propellers softly leans over the grass, a few meters from us; the turbines are making such a deafening noise that I have to shout to speak to my colleagues.

The air has a particular odor, it's fizzy, in my mouth I feel a strange taste, it's the adrenaline in the blood. I am at the head of the line, the first of the first passage, I take place on the closest seat to the hatch. All the paratroopers are passing in front of me, taking each one it's place, young people with serious expressions, silent faces, Italian faces.

The military jump is different from the others; It takes place at a very low altitude: eleven hundred feet, not even four hundred meters. In case of a malfunction of the parachute it's almost impossible to open the emergency, especially on the first jumps. It's even harder with the rucksack and the rifle.

Inside the helicopter there is a feeling of strength, that transmits power, the power that derives from the recklessness of challenging death.

The biggest and most powerful adversary of man! To challenge death gives you the feeling of being as powerful as she is. But, at the end of the day, in reality she is the one that decides how and when.

The turbines are revving up, the helicopter lifts up first in the back and then in the front; when you take off it's impossible to speak because the noise is so intense. The hatch leaves an open space from which you can see the hills of the Chianti; the burnt kerosene fogs up the air.

I realize that we have reached the jumping altitude when the helicopter slows down, it settles, proceeding at a constant speed.

The jump officer is in front of me, one meter from the void. He motions to us that it's time to get up. The hatch is lowered slowly , on the sides of the fuselage the lights are redheads; One hand holds on to the rope hooked to the steel cable, the other looks for a grip on the side of the helicopter.

The jump officer now is crouched on the side, he's holding on to my jumping suit; we move a lot, in the headphones he receives the message that we are six seconds from the jump. Half a meter from the exit, emotions are very high. My eyes are staring at the red lights, few instants, then the green light comes on, a slap on the thigh, the jump towards the void.

The head is low, the legs tight and tense. An immediate and total silence: thousand-one, thousand-two, thousand-three, thousand-four, thousand-five; I look to the right, look to the left. I tell myself that everything is all right but, I'm going fast, too fast. I don't understand why.
Terror attacks me, my head starts pinching, the speed increases vertiginously; I don't want to lift up my head to see what's happening. I understand that I must open the emergency, but my hands don't answer to the orders of the brain. Panic is the master in this situation.

Death, the ultimate enemy, is winning the game.

Fifteen seconds, that's how much is left before the end. Last instants to contemplate my existence. In front of my eyes, as in a parallel reality the landscape seems firm to testify the beauty of creation, sharp contrast with human reality full of hate, of useless and scanty struggles, rich of miserable, sad people.

Thoughts running through my head like bullets. I think of family and friends. I realize that for me it's finished, yes: for me the end is now.

What good have I done on this earth? What will they write on my headstone? What sign will remain of what little water I've poured over the ground? When the sun dries it up, who will remember it?
Soon I will smash on the field, a violent impact, never experienced before, my God help me! I beg you to listen to me! Forgive me if I think of you only when terror attacks me! Now I will crash to the ground! Why is this happening to me? Please God save me!

Few seconds have passed, but seem like eternity for the dying, a second is worth a whole life.

I see the trees and the meadow getting closer and closer and I can do nothing else but try to grab the emergency over my stomach.
Finally I grab it, hold on to it tightly with my right hand and with all the strength that I have, I pull it. In a flash, the spring flies off and the parachute blows up. In just a few instants I land violently but without damages. I'm still breathing. I don't believe my eyes, I'm still alive.
Thank you God! Thank you earth for existing! Thank you life for allowing me to taste the ultimate essence! Thank you death for sparing me this time! I know that one day I will meet you, but for now I'm not in a hurry!

And once again, I thank God, because now I can look at death straight in the face without fear, knowing that my existence is forever with him.

Knowing God, allowing Jesus to enter in my everyday life has enabled me to face life in a simple way and with a linear approach, with an underlining serenity which belongs to a child of God.

Death is the weapon, it's the most powerful blackmail that our adversary Satan, uses against men.

But Christ's salvation has allowed me to overcome this obstacle. The awareness that my spirit, my essence, I , as a person, will spend the whole eternity with God, and the deep certainty of knowing that God is always with me, gives me the strength and a sense of beatitude that nothing in the world can give me.

When I used to jump with the parachute I didn't know God, and I am thankful that He allowed the parachute to open every time, to turn my life around before it was too late.

But often I'm sad because I live among people that don't realize that their parachute could not open one day and therefore don't make the change in their life , the choice of faith in Christ, who can save them and give them the right to eternal life.

The Book in other languages
L'Amico Silenzioso
L'Ami Silencieux
Der Stille Freund

INDEX